In 5 Weeks...

I would weigh 270.7 

I started keeping track of that number this week just to see if it is right. When you complete your day on MFP it gives you a weight that if you ate the same way every day you would weigh. Today it told me I should lose 12.3 lbs in the next 5 weeks. 

I weighed in today at 284, which is 26 lbs down! I am happy with that number. The past month has been rough, I am only losing .5 to 1 lb a week, which isn't enough. Hopefully with the exercise I am planning on adding in today, that number will be a lot lower next week.

I am having a really hard time with my eating habits on my days off. At work I get 2 15 minute breaks, and a 30 minute lunch, so I can't eat all day. At home there is nothing stopping me from eating all day long. Also the days I work, I pack a lunch that I have thought about, and planned into my day. At home I eat whatever I can find in the fridge. I think I need to start scheduling my days when I am off so that I don't give myself the opportunity to eat all day.

Here's to the coming week...

Weigh In Day...

Up? Down? That is the question on my mind every day. The scale is taunting me. I am having a hard time with believing I can do it, I have such a huge goal, and I have never made it past a few weeks. This is the first time that I have stuck to something for any length of time. I have been on a controlled calorie diet for about 5 weeks, and even though I have had some rough nights when all I want to eat is junk food, because I am logging everything I eat, and my food log is public, I have kept to my diet.

I am down 1.2 lbs this week, and while I always hope for more, at least it is a loss. I have a definate goal in mind, and I had thought I would be able to accomplish it much faster than it is happening.

I started walking this week, it is not fun, because Eli goes with me, and spends the entire time hysterical that he will never see his stuffed animals again. I have tried to go by myself, but he doesn't want me to be out of his sight. With all of the challenges of the emotional side of my child, I am very surprised that I worked out at all.

I also made my husband hide the scale from me. I am really bad about weighing myself every day, when I don't see a change or I see a gain, it puts me in a bad mood, and causes me to want to eat. I am definitely an emotional eater through and through. He will pull it out only on Friday mornings, I will weigh myself, then he will hide it again.

For now I am going to focus on my smaller goals, which is 275, I only have 12.2 lbs until I reach that goal. I am really hoping to reach that goal by Halloween. Here's to hoping...

Changing the Eating Plan

I am now down 21.6lbs While I am very happy to be losing, I am unhappy with the amount of time it is taking to lose it. I only lost 1.6 lbs in the past 11 days, which isn't enough.

I went to the message boards on My Fitness Pal, and everyone suggested that I was not eating enough, that my body had been shocked by the sudden 20 lb loss, and my hormones were out of whack. I am trying to be patient, but it is very difficult, I like instant gratification, so I am having a hard time with the lack of movement on the scale.

On Wednesday I decided to increase my calories from 1200-1400 to 1800. Based on my Basal Metabolic Rate, which is 2,086, I believe that my calorie intake may have been too low. I will try this for a few weeks and see if it helps.

I also have started adding exercise into my daily routine. I am using my Wii Fit for around 30 minutes. It is something I can do anytime, from home, so I don't have to have someone to watch Eli. Eli has started doing it with me as well. We have been running the Island Run together, and even though he can beat my by about half of the race, it makes it a lot easier to have someone want to do it with me.

I am really enjoying My Fitness Pal! I love that I can be friends with people, and I can ask questions on the message boards. I love that you can calculate the calories from everything you eat, and all foods with a barcode can be scanned with my phone.

So far so good, even though I am not getting the numbers I desire, I am not getting discouraged, and I am NOT giving up!

It's A New Day

I am down 14 lbs. It is much easier to do this when you have a plan.

I have a plan. Sweet protein shakes to curb the cravings, Banana "Ice Cream" for my snacks. A challenge workout every other day. Less junk food, more healthy food.

I log everything into My Fitness Pal.

The countdown to my final goal has begun.

I love the idea of being healthy. I want to be able to do more with Eli.

Yo-Yo...

My name is Erin, and I am a yo-yo dieter. It has been 28 days since my last diet...

Just kidding, sort of. In all seriousness though, I am having a really hard time sticking to any sort of diet program. Every time I start, I have the best of intentions, but it never seems to stick. I feel like a fraud when it comes to my diet, I post on here or Facebook, that I am starting a new diet. I do well for 1 or 2 days, then something comes up. Work, Eli needing a snack when shopping, a random trip for fast food, or Husband asking for dessert.

One of these days it will actually stick. Hopefully this is the day. I need to lose 150 lbs. 15 at a time. I have to tell myself it is just 15 lbs. Hopefully that will help this work for me.

This time I am drinking WATER. I am cutting back on portions. I am skipping the junk food. I am skipping a lot of the excess snacks. I am making healthy choices.

This time I will lose the weight. This time I will make myself happy. This time I won't beat myself up if I have a bad day. This time I won't fail. But if I do, there will always be next time.

Moving...Again

Husband and I have this really annoying habit. We tend to jump into things without fully thinking them through. They usually involve us moving.

Move #1- We moved out while waiting for his parents house to sell. We were supposed to be moving to TN with them. We couldn't afford to move. The house sold 2 months later.

Move #2- We moved to TN with no jobs, and a 15 month old. It took 5 months for him to get a job. We lived with Husband's parents for almost 2 years.

Move #3- We moved out of his parents house again. This time we moved into a second floor apartment. With a 3-year-old. Anyone else see the problem with that? (Our downstairs neighbors definitely do!)

So now we have:

Move #4- Hopefully this one will stick. We are moving to a wonderful townhome. It is about the same size as this place we are in now, but it has all kinds of things we don't have. We will have a patio, and closets. We will not have anyone above or below us!!!

The worst part of this move is the fact that we just finished unpacking. Or so it seems. We have only lived here a year, and we are on the move again. Hopefully this will be a bit easier than the other moves as well. I am hoping to get a LOT done next weekend since I have a three day weekend...(unless my new nephew decides to make his appearance!)

Pray for us. Husband and I usually HATE each other during moves. Thankfully after the move is over we are fine, but the move to TN included a lot of arguing.

Desperate...

Month after month with no luck. I don't understand. How could it have been so easy the first time, and be so hard this time?

Seven months of trying for another baby with no luck. Five months of no period. Then I finally get my period back for one month, and now I'm 5 days late and not pregnant. I don't understand.

I desperately want another baby, Eli is about to be four, and I wanted our kids to be somewhat close together. Everyone around me is getting pregnant, and it seems so easy for them. It was that easy for us before. I don't know what's different this time around. I have never felt so alone as I do now.

Don't get me wrong, I love Eli, and I wouldn't trade him for the world. I just want him to experience having a sibling. I want to hold a newborn again. I want to do it all over again. I can't wait to be pregnant, to feel the first movement, the first kicks, even with the terrible pregnancy I had with Eli. I won't mind being up all night with a baby. I won't mind going through the first few weeks of life with a newborn.

Eli also wants a baby. Every day he asks for a sister. He offers to share his room with her. It is so sweet, and I desperately want to give him this. For both of us.

Every month I think maybe next month. When do I decide there isn't going to be a next month. When is it time to let it go. To decide my heart has been through enough. That time is getting close. I am not sure how many more tears I can cry before it is too much. When is it time to let enough be enough?