I know that most mom's have this to some degree, but mine is kicking in full swing tonight. I had these feelings alot when Eli was a baby and I had to work. Now this week has made it come back fully.
I got a job.
That is what started this whole thing. I have been looking for a while, and nothing has worked out, until now. I start at Target next week. There are a lot of positives to this job, like I will have a lot of flexibility in the schedule, and Frank and I would be able to work together to figure out how to make sure Eli is taken care of at all times.
Eli keeps saying "I not want Mama go work. I want Mama be home with me." Just slap on the guilt baby.
Then tonight we went to Target to shop. Mistake #1-let the 2 1/2 year old bring sunglasses in with him. Mistake #2-seeing them in the bottom of the cart, and leaving them there,instead of putting them in my purse. Mistake #3-telling my 2 1/2 year old we left them in the cart. All the way home I heard sniff sniff "I need my sunglasses, Mama" ALL. THE. WAY. HOME. Then about halfway home, I said that I was sorry that I was the worst Mama in the whole world. He proceeded to tell me "you ARE the worst mama in the whole world." OUCH!!! I am calling them first thing in the morning. The best part is they were a pair of free Diego sunglasses that came in a box of swim diapers, THEY WERE FREE!!!
Needless today, I am self doubting today. I miss those sweet days last week, before the mommy guilt kicked in, in full force.
Praying for you Erin!!
ReplyDeleteAs you know, I am all too familiar with the guilt as well. 2 year olds know how to lay it on us. When Chloe is upset with me she says, "I don't want you mommy!" and it breaks my heart. But I know she does want me and she does love me, she is just practicing her boundaries.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing what you need to do for your family and one day, your son will understand.
I know that in my head, but my heart is aching for the little boy who has never been away from his momma for very long.
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