Yo-Yo...

My name is Erin, and I am a yo-yo dieter. It has been 28 days since my last diet...

Just kidding, sort of. In all seriousness though, I am having a really hard time sticking to any sort of diet program. Every time I start, I have the best of intentions, but it never seems to stick. I feel like a fraud when it comes to my diet, I post on here or Facebook, that I am starting a new diet. I do well for 1 or 2 days, then something comes up. Work, Eli needing a snack when shopping, a random trip for fast food, or Husband asking for dessert.

One of these days it will actually stick. Hopefully this is the day. I need to lose 150 lbs. 15 at a time. I have to tell myself it is just 15 lbs. Hopefully that will help this work for me.

This time I am drinking WATER. I am cutting back on portions. I am skipping the junk food. I am skipping a lot of the excess snacks. I am making healthy choices.

This time I will lose the weight. This time I will make myself happy. This time I won't beat myself up if I have a bad day. This time I won't fail. But if I do, there will always be next time.

Moving...Again

Husband and I have this really annoying habit. We tend to jump into things without fully thinking them through. They usually involve us moving.

Move #1- We moved out while waiting for his parents house to sell. We were supposed to be moving to TN with them. We couldn't afford to move. The house sold 2 months later.

Move #2- We moved to TN with no jobs, and a 15 month old. It took 5 months for him to get a job. We lived with Husband's parents for almost 2 years.

Move #3- We moved out of his parents house again. This time we moved into a second floor apartment. With a 3-year-old. Anyone else see the problem with that? (Our downstairs neighbors definitely do!)

So now we have:

Move #4- Hopefully this one will stick. We are moving to a wonderful townhome. It is about the same size as this place we are in now, but it has all kinds of things we don't have. We will have a patio, and closets. We will not have anyone above or below us!!!

The worst part of this move is the fact that we just finished unpacking. Or so it seems. We have only lived here a year, and we are on the move again. Hopefully this will be a bit easier than the other moves as well. I am hoping to get a LOT done next weekend since I have a three day weekend...(unless my new nephew decides to make his appearance!)

Pray for us. Husband and I usually HATE each other during moves. Thankfully after the move is over we are fine, but the move to TN included a lot of arguing.

Desperate...

Month after month with no luck. I don't understand. How could it have been so easy the first time, and be so hard this time?

Seven months of trying for another baby with no luck. Five months of no period. Then I finally get my period back for one month, and now I'm 5 days late and not pregnant. I don't understand.

I desperately want another baby, Eli is about to be four, and I wanted our kids to be somewhat close together. Everyone around me is getting pregnant, and it seems so easy for them. It was that easy for us before. I don't know what's different this time around. I have never felt so alone as I do now.

Don't get me wrong, I love Eli, and I wouldn't trade him for the world. I just want him to experience having a sibling. I want to hold a newborn again. I want to do it all over again. I can't wait to be pregnant, to feel the first movement, the first kicks, even with the terrible pregnancy I had with Eli. I won't mind being up all night with a baby. I won't mind going through the first few weeks of life with a newborn.

Eli also wants a baby. Every day he asks for a sister. He offers to share his room with her. It is so sweet, and I desperately want to give him this. For both of us.

Every month I think maybe next month. When do I decide there isn't going to be a next month. When is it time to let it go. To decide my heart has been through enough. That time is getting close. I am not sure how many more tears I can cry before it is too much. When is it time to let enough be enough?

Weigh In Four...The One Month Edition

This has been another tough week for me. I did not exercise this past week. I am really going to try to do it this next week. I am super excited that I have had some help in my rewards, my wonderful In-Laws told me that they will buy me a new outfit when I get to 250, and take me to get a Pedicure when I get to 225.

In better news, I reached my first weight loss goal!!! I hit and passed the 270 mark, and I am so happy to finally be getting somewhere.

These next few weeks are going to get harder. We have 3 family birthdays in the next 3 weeks, with cake and junk food at all of them. My parents are coming to visit on Friday, and then when they leave on Wednesday, they are taking Eli to Michigan with them. I am supposed to leave for Michigan on July 8th that is 9 days without my baby. Up until now the longest I have ever been away from him is 2 days. With all the changes and disruptions in my life, it is going to be really hard to stick to my plan, but I am going to do my best. I am most worried about stress eating, while Eli is in Michigan. On the upside, I should have plenty of time to exercise.

My goal this week is to actually exercise, not just write that I will start exercising. Maybe if I can do 3 workouts in a week, drink lots of water, I will be well on the way to my next goal of 255.

Starting Weight:   285

Last Week:           272

Current:                268

Weight Lost:            4

Total Lost:             17

***I still need some more ideas for inexpensive rewards!***

Goal 1: 270 Reached 6-17-2011 Reward: New Swimsuit Top

Goal 2: 255 New Book.(Maybe I will take the time to enjoy it too?)
Goal 3: 250 New Outfit (Donated by my awesome In-Laws.)

Goal 4: 240 Workout Outfit

Goal 5: 225 Mani & Pedi (Again donated by my super awesome In-Laws!)

Goal 6: 210

Goal 7: 195 Shorts? (I haven't worn shorts since I was 10)(Even if it's winter, I want them!)

Goal 8: 180

Goal 9: 165

Goal 10: 150 Clothes!!!

It's Too Hard...

(Insert whining here.)

Losing weight is HARD. I hate it. I hate watching what I eat. I hate the thought of exercise(I haven't actually started working out yet.) I hate missing out on cake, and french fries.

Being fat is HARDER. I hate the way people look at me, like they are better than me. I hate not wearing things I like, because they don't come in my size. I hate the way I feel after I eat too much. I hate the guilt I feel after I run through McDonald's drive through after work. I hate that my pants are too tight. I hate that my legs rub together. I hate that my son imitates me, wanting to lose weight. I hate that he knows already.

I worry: that I won't be here for Eli, that Eli will be fat, that I won't fit on that airplane, ride, bench, or chair, that people won't like me because I am too fat, that people will treat Eli different because I am fat, that my husband doesn't think I am beautiful.

I want: to be healthy for me, to teach Eli a healthy way of life, to not be afraid of eating, to be confidant, to feel good about myself, to look in the mirror and smile, to hear someone say I am beautiful and believe it, to wear shorts, to have energy.

Most of all I want to be happy with myself.

On the Cheap...

So, as you all know, I love couponing. I love to save money. This whole eating healthy thing could be crazy expensive. Since this is now my new way of life, I need to find ways to fit it into my budget.

Here are a few tips for eating healthy on a budget...

• Shop the front page of your store's circular. They are the best deals, to get you into the store. The produce and meat's are going to be priced really well.
• Stock up when they are on sale. When meat is on a good sale buy extra and freeze it. A lot of produce is really good to freeze as well. Buy extra and freeze it as well.
• Frozen fruit and vegetables. They are great. They go on sale often, lots of times for free. My freezer is full of veggies, since they are so much better for you than canned, and often I don't want to take the time to make fresh.
• Make a "Buy Price" list. You need to know the rock bottom prices for the things you buy. Whether you write it down, or just keep track of it in your head, it's very important. I know that I can get Boneless Skinless Chicken breast for $1.79/lb, so why would I pay $4.99/lb. 
• Split Chicken Breasts are a good alternative to Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast. You can usually get them for $.99/lb, and it's really easy to cut the skin and bone off. It ends up being cheaper in the end, even though the bone and skin gets thrown away in the end.
• Skip the pre-cut, ready to eat produce. It's convenient, but costly. I find it is usually at least double the cost of doing it myself. I buy produce a lot at a time. When I come home I set aside the time to take care of it all right away, and keep it all in containers in the fridge. It is easier to grab an apple or strawberries if it's ready for me, than to worry about how many chips or cookies I eat.
• Buy local. Farmer's Markets are a great place to go. The less "middle-men" stuff has to go through the less added cost there is. Plus, they are fresher, and support your community!
• Write companies for coupons, tell them how much you love their product. While it is harder to find coupons for produce and meats, they do exist.

Hope this helps!!!

Weigh In Three...

This was a very hard week for me. I was emotional, to say the least. A terrible week at work, combined with missing my kid, means emotional eating. I am working on learning to handle my emotions better, but I had a setback this week. (There might me more rants on here or FB!!!) I am stressed about all the things I need to do before my parents get here in 11 days. 

I think/hope I might start adding workouts into my day this week. We have a fitness center in our apartment complex, I have never been there, but it should at least be enough to get me moving. I have 20 workout dvd's, a pool across from us, and almost every Wii workout game. I really have no excuse not to workout. I just don't feel like it. It's time to change that. This next week and a half will be really busy, but I am hoping to fit in time to work out anyway.

Starting Weight:   285

Last Week:          274

Current:               272

Weight Lost:            2

Total Lost:             13

***I still need some more ideas for inexpensive rewards!***

Goal 1: 270 Reward: New Swimsuit Top

Goal 2: 255 New Book.(Maybe I will take the time to enjoy it too?)

Goal 3: 240

Goal 4: 225

Goal 5: 210

Goal 6: 195

Goal 7: 180

Goal 8: 165

Goal 9: 150 Clothes!!!