The Challenge: Balance

How do you find the balance between being a crazy psycho parent who doesn't let their kid eat any sugar, and a parent who lets them eat anything. I am trying hard to find a balance. I know what he eats when I am home, but while I am at work, there is no telling what he is eating. He is with daddy, or Grammy, and their choices might not be what I would like. Do I want to be obnoxious and make him a lunch to eat while I am at work? Do I just throw everything I have been trying out the window?

I need a balance. I need to find a good middle ground.

My husband isn't fully on board with everything I am doing, and wouldn't even be doing it if it weren't for me. He wants soda, Spaghetti O's and Oreo's. I want them to want water, fruit and veggies, and whole grains.

If it's not easy they won't eat it. Hubby won't cook, and Eli isn't picky. Eli is content to eat cereal(leftover from before) all day. Easy, instant, real food. That's what I need.

How do I decide on a good balance between "crazy" and "normal"? I really don't want Eli to be left out of anything, but I really want him to know what choices are healthy and good for him. I want him to make the right decision.

OK, anyway, we are struggling with cooking everyday. I am realizing that making everything from scratch every night isn't really an option with working so much. I am finding that we are eating quick unbalanced meals, because nothing is prepped, and by the time I get home from work, I am way to tired to spend an hour minimum to cook. To solve this problem, I am going to do most of this weeks prep work this weekend, and try to freeze most of the meals so that it will be easier for the week. I am also going to make rice and several different beans for the freezer.

This weeks menu:

• Lentil Chili with Baked Potato
• Quiche
• Butternut Squash Ravioli
• Black Bean Quesadillas
• Pizza
• Roast Chicken
• Chicken Soup
• Stuffed Peppers
• Pork Chops with Dijon Mushrooms

Here's hoping for a successful week!

To The Farmers Market

It's the first time this year, the farmers market just opened last week! I love the idea of getting my stuff from local growers. It's better for you, because it is fresher, and its kind of fun to walk around and see all the produce that everyone has put so much hard work into.

We didn't get much, but what we got was awesome! We got local honey, while expensive, it is way better than store bought. Eggs, sweet potatoes, and butter lettuce were the other things that I felt were cost effective. I also bought 2 tomato plants, and I'm really hoping the survive, it would be really nice to be able to can some tomato sauce this year.

We never made it to Whole Foods, since we spent more than the $75 we have for the week, between the Farmer's Market ($16), Publix ($15), and Target($54). We have lots to eat, so hopefully we make it to next Friday.

The only thing I'm worried about is that we haven't had to purchase meat, since we are using what is in our freezer still. Hopefully I will continue to be able to find some really good sales at Target.

Our first meatless dinner was an epic fail. I have learned that just because it's on Pinterest, doesn't mean it works... We ended up having Ants on a Log(celery, peanut butter, and raisins) and roasted broccoli. Eli did eat some of the macaroni and cheese I tried to make, but neither one of us were thrilled with it. Roasted Broccoli is the MOST AMAZING thing ever!!! I hate broccoli, but not this. Eli and I ate the entire head of broccoli!!!

Roasted Broccoli

1 head Broccoli
Olive Oil
Salt

Chop and wash broccoli into bite size pieces. Make sure its dry, and drizzle with olive oil, and toss to coat. Sprinkle with salt(I used kosher) Roast at 400* for 20-30 minutes or until tender.  EAT!!! ENJOY! MAKE IT AGAIN!

Next time I will take a picture, but I was too busy eating it to stop and take a picture. Oh well, next time I will pause...

A New Way of Life

My husband has been calling me a hippy. With my hippy medicine, which led to my crazy cleaning products (or lack of products, as the case may be) and then finally the final step is our food.

The way we eat is our way of life. So this past 6 weeks we have been slowly making our way to "clean eating." Also called "Real Food," this is a complete change from the couponing crazy person I used to be. I am learning that it is OK to spend money on food, slowly. The cost of fruit and vegetables is much higher than the bag of chips, or box of cookies. The grass fed organic meat is 2-3 times what my cheap sale meat was. 

Since the cost of meat is one of the biggest differences to our budget, we will also be cutting out a majority of the meat that we are used to consuming. We are now what is called a "Flexitarian," we are semi-vegetarian. We have a plant based diet with an occasional inclusion of meat.

I did the great fridge clean out today, getting ready for the fun of the farmer's market, and a Whole Foods shopping trip today. My poor fridge looks really sad right now... We have a few blocks of cheese, (which are left from before the craziness became excessive :) My husband has the last of his sugar sweetened tea, and the minimal condiments that are still OK. Cage free eggs, even though they were purchased at the enemy. I am actually hoping to pick some up at the farmers market.

I am really looking for a good dairy source. I want whole, local, organic, grass fed cows milk. I am hoping to find that too. I am not sure if that is a reasonable option in this area of the world.

We are still on a budget, that hasn't changed, but what we eat certainly has. 

I will be posting snippets of how it is going, what we are buying on our budget, what I am cooking, and how we are feeling. The goals for us are: weight loss for me, and a drastic change in my 5-year-old's behavior. 

Welcome to Real Food on my blog!!! 

In 5 Weeks...

I would weigh 270.7 

I started keeping track of that number this week just to see if it is right. When you complete your day on MFP it gives you a weight that if you ate the same way every day you would weigh. Today it told me I should lose 12.3 lbs in the next 5 weeks. 

I weighed in today at 284, which is 26 lbs down! I am happy with that number. The past month has been rough, I am only losing .5 to 1 lb a week, which isn't enough. Hopefully with the exercise I am planning on adding in today, that number will be a lot lower next week.

I am having a really hard time with my eating habits on my days off. At work I get 2 15 minute breaks, and a 30 minute lunch, so I can't eat all day. At home there is nothing stopping me from eating all day long. Also the days I work, I pack a lunch that I have thought about, and planned into my day. At home I eat whatever I can find in the fridge. I think I need to start scheduling my days when I am off so that I don't give myself the opportunity to eat all day.

Here's to the coming week...

Weigh In Day...

Up? Down? That is the question on my mind every day. The scale is taunting me. I am having a hard time with believing I can do it, I have such a huge goal, and I have never made it past a few weeks. This is the first time that I have stuck to something for any length of time. I have been on a controlled calorie diet for about 5 weeks, and even though I have had some rough nights when all I want to eat is junk food, because I am logging everything I eat, and my food log is public, I have kept to my diet.

I am down 1.2 lbs this week, and while I always hope for more, at least it is a loss. I have a definate goal in mind, and I had thought I would be able to accomplish it much faster than it is happening.

I started walking this week, it is not fun, because Eli goes with me, and spends the entire time hysterical that he will never see his stuffed animals again. I have tried to go by myself, but he doesn't want me to be out of his sight. With all of the challenges of the emotional side of my child, I am very surprised that I worked out at all.

I also made my husband hide the scale from me. I am really bad about weighing myself every day, when I don't see a change or I see a gain, it puts me in a bad mood, and causes me to want to eat. I am definitely an emotional eater through and through. He will pull it out only on Friday mornings, I will weigh myself, then he will hide it again.

For now I am going to focus on my smaller goals, which is 275, I only have 12.2 lbs until I reach that goal. I am really hoping to reach that goal by Halloween. Here's to hoping...

Changing the Eating Plan

I am now down 21.6lbs While I am very happy to be losing, I am unhappy with the amount of time it is taking to lose it. I only lost 1.6 lbs in the past 11 days, which isn't enough.

I went to the message boards on My Fitness Pal, and everyone suggested that I was not eating enough, that my body had been shocked by the sudden 20 lb loss, and my hormones were out of whack. I am trying to be patient, but it is very difficult, I like instant gratification, so I am having a hard time with the lack of movement on the scale.

On Wednesday I decided to increase my calories from 1200-1400 to 1800. Based on my Basal Metabolic Rate, which is 2,086, I believe that my calorie intake may have been too low. I will try this for a few weeks and see if it helps.

I also have started adding exercise into my daily routine. I am using my Wii Fit for around 30 minutes. It is something I can do anytime, from home, so I don't have to have someone to watch Eli. Eli has started doing it with me as well. We have been running the Island Run together, and even though he can beat my by about half of the race, it makes it a lot easier to have someone want to do it with me.

I am really enjoying My Fitness Pal! I love that I can be friends with people, and I can ask questions on the message boards. I love that you can calculate the calories from everything you eat, and all foods with a barcode can be scanned with my phone.

So far so good, even though I am not getting the numbers I desire, I am not getting discouraged, and I am NOT giving up!

It's A New Day

I am down 14 lbs. It is much easier to do this when you have a plan.

I have a plan. Sweet protein shakes to curb the cravings, Banana "Ice Cream" for my snacks. A challenge workout every other day. Less junk food, more healthy food.

I log everything into My Fitness Pal.

The countdown to my final goal has begun.

I love the idea of being healthy. I want to be able to do more with Eli.

Yo-Yo...

My name is Erin, and I am a yo-yo dieter. It has been 28 days since my last diet...

Just kidding, sort of. In all seriousness though, I am having a really hard time sticking to any sort of diet program. Every time I start, I have the best of intentions, but it never seems to stick. I feel like a fraud when it comes to my diet, I post on here or Facebook, that I am starting a new diet. I do well for 1 or 2 days, then something comes up. Work, Eli needing a snack when shopping, a random trip for fast food, or Husband asking for dessert.

One of these days it will actually stick. Hopefully this is the day. I need to lose 150 lbs. 15 at a time. I have to tell myself it is just 15 lbs. Hopefully that will help this work for me.

This time I am drinking WATER. I am cutting back on portions. I am skipping the junk food. I am skipping a lot of the excess snacks. I am making healthy choices.

This time I will lose the weight. This time I will make myself happy. This time I won't beat myself up if I have a bad day. This time I won't fail. But if I do, there will always be next time.

Moving...Again

Husband and I have this really annoying habit. We tend to jump into things without fully thinking them through. They usually involve us moving.

Move #1- We moved out while waiting for his parents house to sell. We were supposed to be moving to TN with them. We couldn't afford to move. The house sold 2 months later.

Move #2- We moved to TN with no jobs, and a 15 month old. It took 5 months for him to get a job. We lived with Husband's parents for almost 2 years.

Move #3- We moved out of his parents house again. This time we moved into a second floor apartment. With a 3-year-old. Anyone else see the problem with that? (Our downstairs neighbors definitely do!)

So now we have:

Move #4- Hopefully this one will stick. We are moving to a wonderful townhome. It is about the same size as this place we are in now, but it has all kinds of things we don't have. We will have a patio, and closets. We will not have anyone above or below us!!!

The worst part of this move is the fact that we just finished unpacking. Or so it seems. We have only lived here a year, and we are on the move again. Hopefully this will be a bit easier than the other moves as well. I am hoping to get a LOT done next weekend since I have a three day weekend...(unless my new nephew decides to make his appearance!)

Pray for us. Husband and I usually HATE each other during moves. Thankfully after the move is over we are fine, but the move to TN included a lot of arguing.

Desperate...

Month after month with no luck. I don't understand. How could it have been so easy the first time, and be so hard this time?

Seven months of trying for another baby with no luck. Five months of no period. Then I finally get my period back for one month, and now I'm 5 days late and not pregnant. I don't understand.

I desperately want another baby, Eli is about to be four, and I wanted our kids to be somewhat close together. Everyone around me is getting pregnant, and it seems so easy for them. It was that easy for us before. I don't know what's different this time around. I have never felt so alone as I do now.

Don't get me wrong, I love Eli, and I wouldn't trade him for the world. I just want him to experience having a sibling. I want to hold a newborn again. I want to do it all over again. I can't wait to be pregnant, to feel the first movement, the first kicks, even with the terrible pregnancy I had with Eli. I won't mind being up all night with a baby. I won't mind going through the first few weeks of life with a newborn.

Eli also wants a baby. Every day he asks for a sister. He offers to share his room with her. It is so sweet, and I desperately want to give him this. For both of us.

Every month I think maybe next month. When do I decide there isn't going to be a next month. When is it time to let it go. To decide my heart has been through enough. That time is getting close. I am not sure how many more tears I can cry before it is too much. When is it time to let enough be enough?

Weigh In Four...The One Month Edition

This has been another tough week for me. I did not exercise this past week. I am really going to try to do it this next week. I am super excited that I have had some help in my rewards, my wonderful In-Laws told me that they will buy me a new outfit when I get to 250, and take me to get a Pedicure when I get to 225.

In better news, I reached my first weight loss goal!!! I hit and passed the 270 mark, and I am so happy to finally be getting somewhere.

These next few weeks are going to get harder. We have 3 family birthdays in the next 3 weeks, with cake and junk food at all of them. My parents are coming to visit on Friday, and then when they leave on Wednesday, they are taking Eli to Michigan with them. I am supposed to leave for Michigan on July 8th that is 9 days without my baby. Up until now the longest I have ever been away from him is 2 days. With all the changes and disruptions in my life, it is going to be really hard to stick to my plan, but I am going to do my best. I am most worried about stress eating, while Eli is in Michigan. On the upside, I should have plenty of time to exercise.

My goal this week is to actually exercise, not just write that I will start exercising. Maybe if I can do 3 workouts in a week, drink lots of water, I will be well on the way to my next goal of 255.

Starting Weight:   285

Last Week:           272

Current:                268

Weight Lost:            4

Total Lost:             17

***I still need some more ideas for inexpensive rewards!***

Goal 1: 270 Reached 6-17-2011 Reward: New Swimsuit Top

Goal 2: 255 New Book.(Maybe I will take the time to enjoy it too?)
Goal 3: 250 New Outfit (Donated by my awesome In-Laws.)

Goal 4: 240 Workout Outfit

Goal 5: 225 Mani & Pedi (Again donated by my super awesome In-Laws!)

Goal 6: 210

Goal 7: 195 Shorts? (I haven't worn shorts since I was 10)(Even if it's winter, I want them!)

Goal 8: 180

Goal 9: 165

Goal 10: 150 Clothes!!!

It's Too Hard...

(Insert whining here.)

Losing weight is HARD. I hate it. I hate watching what I eat. I hate the thought of exercise(I haven't actually started working out yet.) I hate missing out on cake, and french fries.

Being fat is HARDER. I hate the way people look at me, like they are better than me. I hate not wearing things I like, because they don't come in my size. I hate the way I feel after I eat too much. I hate the guilt I feel after I run through McDonald's drive through after work. I hate that my pants are too tight. I hate that my legs rub together. I hate that my son imitates me, wanting to lose weight. I hate that he knows already.

I worry: that I won't be here for Eli, that Eli will be fat, that I won't fit on that airplane, ride, bench, or chair, that people won't like me because I am too fat, that people will treat Eli different because I am fat, that my husband doesn't think I am beautiful.

I want: to be healthy for me, to teach Eli a healthy way of life, to not be afraid of eating, to be confidant, to feel good about myself, to look in the mirror and smile, to hear someone say I am beautiful and believe it, to wear shorts, to have energy.

Most of all I want to be happy with myself.

On the Cheap...

So, as you all know, I love couponing. I love to save money. This whole eating healthy thing could be crazy expensive. Since this is now my new way of life, I need to find ways to fit it into my budget.

Here are a few tips for eating healthy on a budget...

• Shop the front page of your store's circular. They are the best deals, to get you into the store. The produce and meat's are going to be priced really well.
• Stock up when they are on sale. When meat is on a good sale buy extra and freeze it. A lot of produce is really good to freeze as well. Buy extra and freeze it as well.
• Frozen fruit and vegetables. They are great. They go on sale often, lots of times for free. My freezer is full of veggies, since they are so much better for you than canned, and often I don't want to take the time to make fresh.
• Make a "Buy Price" list. You need to know the rock bottom prices for the things you buy. Whether you write it down, or just keep track of it in your head, it's very important. I know that I can get Boneless Skinless Chicken breast for $1.79/lb, so why would I pay $4.99/lb. 
• Split Chicken Breasts are a good alternative to Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast. You can usually get them for $.99/lb, and it's really easy to cut the skin and bone off. It ends up being cheaper in the end, even though the bone and skin gets thrown away in the end.
• Skip the pre-cut, ready to eat produce. It's convenient, but costly. I find it is usually at least double the cost of doing it myself. I buy produce a lot at a time. When I come home I set aside the time to take care of it all right away, and keep it all in containers in the fridge. It is easier to grab an apple or strawberries if it's ready for me, than to worry about how many chips or cookies I eat.
• Buy local. Farmer's Markets are a great place to go. The less "middle-men" stuff has to go through the less added cost there is. Plus, they are fresher, and support your community!
• Write companies for coupons, tell them how much you love their product. While it is harder to find coupons for produce and meats, they do exist.

Hope this helps!!!

Weigh In Three...

This was a very hard week for me. I was emotional, to say the least. A terrible week at work, combined with missing my kid, means emotional eating. I am working on learning to handle my emotions better, but I had a setback this week. (There might me more rants on here or FB!!!) I am stressed about all the things I need to do before my parents get here in 11 days. 

I think/hope I might start adding workouts into my day this week. We have a fitness center in our apartment complex, I have never been there, but it should at least be enough to get me moving. I have 20 workout dvd's, a pool across from us, and almost every Wii workout game. I really have no excuse not to workout. I just don't feel like it. It's time to change that. This next week and a half will be really busy, but I am hoping to fit in time to work out anyway.

Starting Weight:   285

Last Week:          274

Current:               272

Weight Lost:            2

Total Lost:             13

***I still need some more ideas for inexpensive rewards!***

Goal 1: 270 Reward: New Swimsuit Top

Goal 2: 255 New Book.(Maybe I will take the time to enjoy it too?)

Goal 3: 240

Goal 4: 225

Goal 5: 210

Goal 6: 195

Goal 7: 180

Goal 8: 165

Goal 9: 150 Clothes!!!

My Week...

This has been the longest week of my life. I am so tired, which is why I haven't been posting at all. It just seems like everything has been going wrong this week.

First, this was a VERY long week at work, normally I only work 3-4 days, but this was a five day week for me. Which Eli has decided to guilt me with ALL week. "Mama, I miss you when you work all the time!" (Mommy Guilt! Ughh) And the job I mostly enjoy, has turned into one HORRIBLE job this week. We are understaffed, and overly busy. In fact, I cried at work last night. (Thank you, Carey) The worst part is there is no end in sight for the overwhelming craziness. At least I was off today, and next week is back to 4 days.

Then there was the crankiness. Holy NO NAP week. Eli is on strike for naps. I am so not ready to give up nap time. He is so not ready to give up nap time. I am pretty sure he has only taken 2 naps ALL WEEK!!! This also means that he is really cranky by 4 pm. At the latest. Not to mention that he is having a hard time with the transitions between Grammy and Papa's house and ours. When he comes home in the morning, he is whiny, and wants to go back, when it's time to go back, he want to stay home.

Next, I have decided that I need to get up early every day. This was definitely not the week to start it, but I did it anyway. The latest I got up this week was 8 am. I have been working until at least 11 almost every night this week, which means I am not getting to bed until 12 or 1, then I am up around 6. I am exhausted to say the least, since I am not a sound sleeper, I am getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night. This lack of sleep is being countered by a LOT of coffee. (Iced leftover coffee doesn't count into my daily coffee allowance, right?)

Oh yeah, and I am hormonal. I am an emotional basket case. I have a reason, (Hello TOM) but still...

So see why I haven't been around much? Oh wait!!! There's more... A friend is sleeping on my couch(who I thoroughly enjoy having, don't even start with me, you know who you are!!!), and my parents are coming down to visit in less than 2 weeks!!! Let's just pile on the stress. Hoping for a better week next week!!!

Weigh In Two...

This has been a rough week. I am sick,(swimmers ear), which makes me not want to eat, since it hurts to chew. Lots of Eli troubles, no naps=cranky kid. I did ok on my water intake, but not as well as I had hoped. Still working on that. I was planning on swimming with Eli alot, but I am not allowed to swim until my ear is better. I ate out this week, which is really hard for me, I don't make the best choices when I am out to eat, since it is such a rarity around here. Also since I shared with Eli I chose to get one side item for him, and one for me. Rolls and peanuts didn't help, and dessert was included. OOPS!!! Oh well back to the plan ! I have lots of fruit in my fridge, but the veggies are running low. I am hving a really hard time with finding vegetables that I can eat without a lot of adding to them. I still really don't like vegetables. Anyone have any ideas?

I am up 1 lb for the week, I kind of expected to not lose much, if anything since I had such a big loss last week. I am also not expecting much this week, due to a visit from Aunt Flow. If I can stay the same this week I will be happy.

Starting Weight:   285
Last Week:          273
Current:               274
Weight Lost:           -1
Total Lost:             11

Goal 1: 270 Reward: New Swimsuit Top
Goal 2: 255
Goal 3: 240
Goal 4: 225
Goal 5: 210
Goal 6: 195
Goal 7: 180
Goal 8: 165
Goal 9: 150

Milestones:

1. On Memorial Day I SKIPPED cake. ME. I skipped CAKE. I ate pineapple instead.
2. Water. I am drowning. SO MUCH WATER.

Focus this week:

• I don't know, I am miserable right now. TOM is kicking my booty right now. It is hard enough to stick to the plan, let alone add something else. I REALLY WANT FRENCH FRIES AND CHOCOLATE RIGHT NOW!!! 

Wordless Wednesday... The Faces of Eli

There are so many faces of my child. 

He is definitely emotional.

Weigh In One...

This is the end of week one. This week was all about changing the foods I was eating. I replaced snack foods with fruit or veggies. I cut down on my carb intake, and replaced it with, you guessed it, even more veggies. Did I mention that I HATE veggies!!! I know, I know, I am like a 5 year old.

This is the beginning of week two. This next week will be all about drinking more water. I need to drink a minimum of 4-5 bottles of water a day. Currently I am only drinking 1-2. Let me tell you that I also HATE water. Again 5 year old, I hear you. I have gone from lots of sodas, to no more than one a day, if that. I will not be giving up coffee. No way, Jose. Coffee makes me happy, it makes my mornings go smoothly, it makes me much more tolerant of the upcoming day.

Here are the stats:

Starting Weight:    285
Current Weight:    273
Weight Lost:          12!!!!
Total Lost:             12
1st Goal:              270

I am breaking my weight loss goals into 15 lb increments. 15 lbs is a lot easier to swallow than 135 lbs.
I am also giving myself rewards for each goal. NON food rewards. Since rewarding myself with food defeats the purpose. Since money is fairly tight, they will also need to be reasonably priced. Any one have ideas for me? Please help me fill up my reward list!!!

Goal 1:  270 Reward: New Swimsuit Top!
Goal 2:  255 Reward:
Goal 3:  240 Reward:
Goal 4:  225 Reward:
Goal 5:  210 Reward:
Goal 6:  195 Reward:
Goal 7:  180 Reward:
Goal 8:  165 Reward:
Goal 9:  150 Reward: New wardrobe!!!

My New Favorite Recipe Webpage...

CanYouStayForDinner.com

This woman has definately inspired me. She lost 135 lbs and has kept it off for 4 years. The recipes are healthy, although I did spy a recipe for Hostess style Cupcakes. I am making the Buffalo Chicken Rolls right now! They are absolutely delicious, although I skipped the blue cheese in mine! (I can't get past the smell to even try it.)

Obsession...

So for those of you who know me, you know that I am a little bit obsessive. Well I am more than a little obsessive when it comes to the scale. I weigh myself at least once a day. I have been known to weigh myself several times throughout the day. It is unhealthy. I know, I know. I can't stop. (OK, stop shaking your head at me.)

I am turning a new leaf. I am committing to y'all(yes, I said y'all, I live in the south now, you have to fit in) that I am going to cut back. I am going to try to get my addiction under control. I am going to weigh myself no more than 1(one) time every other day. Except of course I will have to weigh myself on Monday. (Weigh in day) And if I have a really good day, I should probably weigh myself the next morning, right? And maybe if I have a bad day, just so I know how bad it really was. And... Okay, every other day. And Monday. (Tomorrow is Monday, by the way!)